being vulnerable

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Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.

Be honest and transparent anyway. ~ Mother Theresa

Enjoyed lunch today with a new friend.

Her last name has the word “angel” in it. She most assuredly lives up to that. We have talked often over the past eight months, but more on a professional level. Today was our first, friend to friend, tell me about your life, sit down and have lunch, conversation.

From the moment we met in the restaurant parking lot, the sharing of our hearts never stopped. She shared her stuff. I shared mine.  Words flowed and our food sat untouched for several minutes. For a moment I felt cautious, not wanting to be misunderstood. You know the thoughts… “what will she think of me?” “what if I misrepresent or am misunderstood?” But the feeling quickly left because I know that being transparent is what I want to be. And I felt safe with her… vulnerable yet safe.  I know you know what I mean.

Which brings me to something we talked about while eating our portobello mushroom tacos. Sometimes it is difficult to be truly authentic while blogging. Afterall, it’s out there for the whole world to see, yet you do not hear my tone or see my body language or know me and my quirks. Sometimes I just want to write “I am having a horrible-no-good kind of day” or a “where are you God” kind of day. I do not want to portray me or my family as perfect or having “arrived”. Because that would not be truthful or genuine or real.  Most days I struggle, I sin, I do not forgive, I hold a grudge, I fear instead of trust, I make selfish choices, I do not choose kind words… and on it goes. So when you visit here, please know that I am no different than you. We are in this life together and as it says in the Bible… we will have troubles.

I read recently that “anyone can fake it for the Christmas photo”.  Same goes for a blog post. That’s NOT what I want. What I want to do is concentrate on the positive. Some people see only the best in life, in themselves, in others, all the time. I wish I was, but am not one of them. It is important for me to be intentional about thinking about these things…

I want to share what I am learning along this journey called life, through my own experiences and from watching others walk it out. I have learned that God is good, all the time. He is trustworthy, when I am not. God is forgiveness, when I need it most. He is gracious, because He delights in us.  He is the giver of second chances and beyond, because that’s His character. 

thanks D.D. for inspiring this post. Your vulnerability was a beautiful thing, allowing God’s grace to shine bright, warming my heart. You have no idea what a blessing you are to me and my family.

(can’t believe we were too busy talking that we forgot to take a photo!)

19 responses »

  1. Thanks, Ruthi – the very thing I have been doing for the past two weeks, and I think it is so hard because we remember the pains we have suffered being vulnerable in the past.

  2. okay …
    i’m jealous .. YOU had lunch wirh an adult..

    I picked the cheese out of a 2 year old’s left over hot dog
    …and a hand full of sweet tarts for lunch ..
    … DID YOU SAY … PORTABELLO MUSHROOM TACO ??…

    no more silly ..
    thank you for being brave !
    thank you for always loving others MORE than you love
    yourself ..
    thank you for taking risks …
    thank you for being a friend to so many of us …
    thank you for being trustworthy ..

    ily
    j

  3. I am in awe of you and your writings, feelings, love, friendships and being true to yourself and God in them. It gives me courage to continue and inspiration to forge ahead into the unknown because His grace can cover any sin and His forgiveness is always available to us. You remind me and I thank you! So proud to have known you most of your life and worked with you and call you friend.

    • we do go way back, don’t we, Sharon 🙂 you made a girl fairly fresh out of the jungle feel like she belonged. thank you!

  4. Loved your blog! You are a true friend and truly authentic! Thanks for being there when I needed a friend and just listening! It’s nice to hear someone else say that they are struggling too with the issues of life. We are all in this together aren’t we?
    Love ya!

  5. One of the things I enjoy most about the short time I spent with you and your family is the genuine feelings of……….(I don’t have a word). You guys make vulnerability seem silly. It was interesting for me to read this post. .God Bless, and I hope all is well.
    Robert

  6. Ruthi – Thank you for sharing your heart. You are able to share with us your struggles as well as your hearts desires. Thru your blog I have truely been blessed and encouraged to continue my walk with God. He has been so dear to me this last year. God is good, all the time . . . All the time, God is good. Blessings to you and your entire family.
    nancy
    xoxo

  7. You know Ruthi this is something I ponder a lot these days. We all have pretenses and that is part of being in society, but sometimes I get grossed out by the extent of pretense that seems almost required in public life.

    What I mean is that in let’s say politics, arch enemies must be so kindred and astute about what they say, or in business we must play a certain game in order to “get ahead”. It’s so obvious and so fake at the same time.

    If you don’t play the game of pretense in public life then you are renegade. It doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t succeed in what you do, but you are certainly going against the grain.

    I struggle with this. I can’t play the politics and I can’t play the game. Yet I am not without my pretenses either.

    • Very well said Ryan. I think it (pretense) is part of life… even if for some of us it feels foreign. I guess we just do the best we can at being true to who we are and let God take care of the rest. Thanks for sharing.

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